10 Reasons Gay Mariage Should Be Banned

1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5) Straight marriage would be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

Source

You Might Be Retarded If...

You make a list that supposedly describes democrats but in all reality just pull it out of your ass.

I was surfing the net for news and politics as I normally do, and I ran into this gem of "journalism."

I feel I must do another point-counterpoint.

YOU MIGHT BE A DEMOCRAT IF...
by Steven Plaut

P You feel Fidelity means not cheating on your mistress.
CP Fidelity actively donated to Bush’s campaign… not any democratic nominee for president. So… I don’t understand what you mean.

P You think that pornography corrupts women, but find nothing wrong with a 50 year old president seducing a 21 year old intern.
CP Porn corrupts no one. At it’s worst it glorifies sex and increases standards. I’ll agree with no sex with interns and no cheating on your wife, but ages don’t matter when you hit your 20’s.

P You cry every May 4th over the four people killed at Kent State, but have never been to the Vietnam Memorial.
CP Vietnam was when we sent troops to some country most people hadn’t even heard of for absolutely no reason (Iraq, anyone?). Kent State was our country’s military executing it’s own citizens. I hate to call you unpatriotic, but…

P Along the same lines, "Four Dead in OHIO" by Neil Young gives you goosebumps, but "19" by Paul Hardcastle means nothing to you.
CP Death in any way shape or form bothers me, and I’m democratic.

P You say shows like "Leave It to Beaver" are out of touch with America today, while you flip to your soap opera.
CP Soap opera’s are stupid, as is Leave it to Beaver. In fact, most shows on today are stupid.

P You know of the stockpile of biological weapons in Iraq, but think that the US is wrong for not signing the land mines treaty.
CP News flash! We found NO WMD’s or chemical weapons in Iraq at all. The U.S. is wrong for refusing to sign a land mines treaty that will save innocent lives.

P You want to know why we don't offer schooling in prisons (hey, isn't that what public schools are for).
CP Prisoners do get schooling in prison, and I very readily believe that they shouldn’t be able to.

P You think those stupid ribbons actually [actually] complish something.
CP No, republicans actually think they do something. I think that they’re a poor excuse for pretending to care.

P You tout the NAACP, but criticize anyone referring to a black man as a "colored person."
CP The NAACP is a good organization for black people, but it shouldn’t be only for black people. That’s racist. Also, I don’t really give a shit what anyone calls someone of a different skin color. Skin color doesn’t define diversity.

P You think a mother has a right to kill an innocent 5 month fetus because her pregnancy would interfere with her career, but feel we shouldn't put to death the man who raped and murdered 14 women.
CP A fetus, by standard definition, isn’t alive and therefore can’t be killed. You fail to account for the pain and thought that goes into deciding whether or not to have an abortion. And you’re right, I do disagree with capital punishment. An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.

P You feel that banning smoking in public indoor places limits your constitutional rights.
CP Smoking should be banned in public in general, and I’ve never heard any democrat or republican I’ve ever talked to mention feeling oppressed by anti-smoking laws.

P You feel that being convicted of treason is an infringement on your first amendment rights.
CP Okay… this is just something the author pulled out of his ass. First off, being convicted of anything doesn’t infringe on anyone’s rights (except for the recent elimination of habeas corpus). You don’t explain what charge one would be committing treason under. Our president has committed treason several times.

P You honestly feel that alcoholics deserve social security disability benefits.
CP No, no I don’t. Alcoholics got that way by their own stupidity. It’s stupid that our society makes it seem like alcoholics have no power over the “disease,” and it perpetuates the problem.

P You outwardly said "I would have voted for Elizabeth Dole" knowing darn well you wouldn't have because she is a Republican.
CP I wouldn’t vote for a Dole unless they were the black sheep of the family… period.

P You think it is ok for a President to commit perjury on his sex life, but criticize Dan Quayle for spelling potato/potatoe wrong.
CP Clinton’s sex life has nothing to do with his ability to govern this country. Quayle, much like Bush, is retarded and needs to gain the knowledge required for elementary school graduation before ever thinking about running a country.

P You stood on a soapbox demanding that Anita Hill be heard, but want Paula Jones' accusations to be swept under the rug.
CP I don’t care about either… and a majority of republicans are in the exact opposite situation of the situation just mentioned.

P You think the guy who drops out of High School and builds your jeep deserves more money than the doctor who went to college for 10 years and saves your kids life.
CP Untrue, I believe that someone who makes less money should get more tax breaks, and someone who drops out of high school will invariably make less money than a someone with a PhD. Hence when social security comes around the one who worked harder gets more back.

P You sang along to "Give Peace a Chance" during the Gulf War.
CP Yeah, because the Gulf War was vital for our survival. Beyond that hippies aren’t democrats, they’re hippies.

P You've filed for unemployment within two weeks of getting out of high school.
CP Never seen a lazy, alcoholic, inbred, rednecked republican file for unemployment straight out of high school either.

P You went to Woodstock II and felt that it was a significant historical event, changing the way our country thinks.
CP Woodstock is for music, and music alone. That’s it.

P You own something that says, "Dukakis for President," and still display it.
CP You’re absolutely right. Dukakis’ platform was horribly off center, wanting to help the average American citizen and all.

P You've tried to argue in favor of anything based on, "Well, they're gonna do it anyway so..."
CP Sounds like an excuse for invading North Korea or Iran, not a reason for a democrat.

P You've ever said, "We really should call the ACLU about this."
The ACLU is horrible, I agree. All it does is attempt to uphold the rights and liberties given to us by the Constitution of the United States. Woe is me.

P You believe that a few hundred loggers can find another career, but the defenseless spotted owl must live in its preferred tree.
CP It’s common knowledge, and has been for years, that destroying a part of an ecosystem will destroy the entire thing. Eliminate the owl, there’s an over abundance of rodents. Then you’d bitch about the amount of rats running around.

P You ever based an argument on the phrase, "But they can afford a tax hike because..."
CP Tax hikes aren’t bad. Tax hikes are required by the fluctuations of our economy, as are tax deductions. In all reality the government should spend less than it takes in. That extra money could be put toward our debt and perhaps to competently help a disaster zone like hurricane Katrina’s aftermath.

P You've ever argued that with just one more year of welfare that person will turn it around and get off drugs.
CP Welfare is a good idea in theory, but too many people abuse it. Much like rich republicans abusing the tax code.

P You think Lennon was a brilliant social commentator.
CP Which Lennon? The one from the Beatles? Be more specific.

P You keep count of how many people you know in each racial or ethnic category.
CP As I said before, and what most republicans seem to not understand, diversity is not based on skin color.

P You believe our government must do it because everyone in Europe does.
CP A lot of what we’ve progressed to is from the U.S. following suit with Europe, and we’ve grown as a country because of it. Is national healthcare, superior education systems, and a generally more aware public really that bad?

P After looking at your pay stub you can still say, "America is undertaxed."
CP America is overtaxed. If less money went to our military budget and more to other portions of it we’d be fine on a few hundred billion less in taxes. Bush prefers to tax less and spend more.

Most of the reasons listed here are stereotypes. I don't mind stereotypes, but ones that are untrue for a majority of the population they're describing are no longer stereotypes. They're outright lies.